Monday, November 10, 2014

"I'll Fly Away" ........I Can't Believe It's Been a Year Already...

I really and truly can not believe its been a year since I lost the most amazing woman in my life. 
Read Part One How it Happened
Read Part Two Forever Changed

I remember it like it was yesterday, hating the world and everyone in it for taking away one of the most important people in my life. There's not a single day that goes by that I don't think about her. Wishing so badly I could call her and tell her that we survived our trip to NYC, that it snowed in Cola, that we moved states, that we bought our first home, that I'm going back to school. I want to tell her what we are going through right now, and have her support. There's just so much that I want to tell her, I always called her whenever I went on a road trip so she could keep me company and now I've got nothing. Going home to Texas doesn't seem to matter as much any more. That side of my family is completely changed now that she is gone, its heart breaking what the loss of a person can do to a family. Many day's it still doesn't seem real that she's not here any more. I still have her phone number / contact in my phone with her address. I can't bring myself to delete it. If only I had voice mails from her to hear her sweet voice. She always had the best advice and stood behind every decision I made, even if she didn't like it or think that it was the best. She was my best friend my everything and now she's my angel. She was the rock that held our family together and its slowly slipping apart now. As much as I hate some days that I moved away from home because it mint I missed out on so much time with her, I truly believe it was the best decision I ever made. Even more so now, I'm not sure how I could physically go on living in the same town knowing she was not there, were I could just drive over and pop in. It's hard I struggle with it almost daily. Its on the top 5 of the worst days of my 27 years for sure. I said it before and I truly believe it, she held on for me for one more day not to leave us on our Anniversary. I remember the last conversation I had with her on the phone, I had just gotten off work and I was headed on post. Driving over the bridge I told her I loved her so much and to get better because I was coming home to see her. It took all she had to respond back to me, but she knew it was me and she told me she loved me and that's the best feeling in the world. My heart breaks, how did a year go by so quickly. I'll never be the same, I know I have to keep moving forward with my life but there's some days I just don't know how I'm going to get through. 
Thank the Lord I have an amazingly supportive husband because if it wasn't for him I'd be a complete  disaster. 
I miss you Mamaw so so much, you were the worlds best Mamaw ever!!!! 11-10-13
I am so grateful that God blessed me with two wonderful grandmothers. Whom I'm proudly named after and wouldn't have it any other way. 

Hands down Coolest Mamaw ever!!!! Love you My Angel!!!! 


Jamie said...

Thinking if you. Xo

Jenny @ Creatively Blooming said...

Thinking of you, and I know so much how you feel. Last Friday was two years since my Nanny passed away. There are still so many times I want to call her: to ask her how to bake something, to tell her something about the kids, just to chat. I spent almost every weekend with her and my WaWa growing up, and she was such an integral part of my life. And even though we lived far from home, she was very important to Trenton and Charlotte too. They still talk about her a lot. And I know that she is watching over all of us.

Stephanie said...

Losing Grandparents are so hard, especially when you had them around for several decades to this point. Thinking about you!

Janna Renee said...

She sounds like an amazing woman!! Thoughts and prayers for you and your family <3

Janna Renee said...

She sounds like an amazing woman!! Thoughts and prayers for you and your family <3