Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Forever Changed

Early Wednesday mornings the hubbs and myself boarded a plane from the South headed to Texas. I NEVER wanted to have to go home for this but I suppose you can say that’s life. Although I’m still having a really hard time with everything. (hints the reason I’m just coming around to posting part 2) This is hitting me much harder and very different than it did just a couple months ago when my Papa James passed away. My Mamaw was and is my everything. She is the rock of our family and going home has forever changed my life. We arrived at DFW around 9am, my little brother and favorite cousin picked us up from the airport. We headed over to our Nene’s house to visit for a bit before meeting with my mom for lunch. After lunch myself and little cousin Shae headed down to Hillsboro with my mom to take a few things to the funeral home. We walked in the room were they had my mamaw’s casket not knowing it was going to be open. It took all I had to hold myself together and eventually I lost it. It wasn’t suppose to be like this, I wasn’t suppose to come home for this reason. Still I have a hard time believing this is real and I wont be able to talk to her or see her again. She wasn’t just my mamaw but one of my best friends. A true role model in my life, I will forever cherish every moment we had together. That evening my mom took Shae and I to the river house were my brother and the hubbs were. Justin’s boss along with his best friend Chris came over for dinner.The guys were going to cook dinner out on the grill while us girls, Shae and I hung out inside keeping warm while finishing up the sides. That morning we got dressed and ready for the day I’d been dreading. We headed out to the funeral home were the rest of our family had started gathering. I was doing ok for the most part, thankful that the hubbs was able to be here with me because frankly I wouldn’t have been able to handle it on my own. Of course I had my family there but he is my one and only that I lean on. Seeing so many family members many I hadn’t seen since our wedding was such a joy, of course I only wish it was for different reasons. The time came to sit down so the service could start. Mamaw’s Pastor Brother Pew did the service and his wife Sherry sang. It was simply beautiful, the tears flowed and flowed. I found myself with my head in my hands hoping I’d wake up from the horrible nightmare but it never happened. I know its part of the circle of life but that doesn’t make it any easier. I loved hearing the stories from him about my Mamaw it was so beautiful. Once last I love and goodbye before they closed the casket. My brother, the hubbs along with 3 other cousin’s were the pallbearer’s. I couldn’t have been more at peace knowing for a moment she was in the hands of her beloved grandchildren. I know she is in a better place now, no more pain, no more suffering, no more 24/7 oxygen but still I just wish she was here with us. What I’d give for one more day with you here. From the funeral home we made the 25 minute drive out to the cemetery. It seemed like the longest drive ever. I’ll never forget the older man who was going the opposite direction along the road who stopped, got out of his truck, took his cowboy hat off and placed it over his heart. Such a heart warming moment for sure. There were a few words spoken at the cemetery. I took at moment to visit with my Aunt Joy who passed away back in 2005 and both my Great Grandma who passed away in 1990 and Great Grandpa who I never had the chance to meet, he passed away in 1972. My brother, hubbs, Shae and I left shortly after and headed back to the river house before heading into town to my Aunt Mary’s house for a small family gathering. 
It’s by far been one of the hardest day’s for me and I’ll remember it forever. 
I love you Mamaw and I always will. RIP November 10, 2013. She held on for one more day, not to leave me on my Anniversary and I’ll forever be grateful for that. 

Just as I did with my Papa James I wrote my Mamaw a letter and left it with her along with a picture of the hubbs and I. Mrs. Sherry was kind enough to read it during the service. There’s no way I could have managed through it. 
“I love my Mamaw with all I have. I still can’t come to terms that she’s gone. Gone physically but in my heart forever. Mamaw held our family together, she was the rock. You could always count on her. She always kept me in the loop with the family drama after I moved away. I will miss our phone call’s and sitting on the couch watching those horrible western movies. I spent every weekend just about growing up at her house. My life has forever changed. I know she is having the best time with Aunt Joy and Aunt Marie right now but I just wish I had one more day. I’ll love you forever Mamaw. My Angel. Love You Favorite Granddaughter Tiffany.”
She was such a Character, she is missed greatly. 

With Mamaw, Papa Fredo and Mom before we left for the South.

Mamaw with her favorite girls. 
Visiting with Great Grandma & Great Grandpa
Visiting with Aunt Joy. 

Big Robert and Me 
She'll always be a light in my life. 
One of her Favorite Songs!
Holding her close to my heart.

1 comment:

Mrs. M ~ a.k.a. ~ April said...

Again, I'm sorry for your loss. It's always hard. When you wrote about how a man stopped his car (truck), got out and took off his cowboy hat, that brought back memories of when I went to my grandmother's funeral in Texas. They have so much respect for the dead and their families there, so much that they will stop their cars, get out and pay their respects as you drive by them. Very touching.