Tuesday, July 24, 2012

I feel life slipping away...

Just when I was having a down and ruff day, there was a knock at my door. It was the UPS man dropping off a package. I completely forgot I was even expecting anything till I looked closer at the label. I (with some help from my mom) put together this photo collage book for my Spouse aka Best Friend for her birthday. Its a collection of pictures we took together while in Hawaii through out all of our adventures. I had it sent straight to her in Hawaii last October and never ordered myself one till just a few weeks ago. I got it in the mail today and have looked through it about 5 times already. Its hard to look through the pictures sometimes and then other times its so exciting to see all the wonderful things I was able to experience with her. We've been through so much together and have so much ahead of us, I just can't wait to see what life has in store for the two of us. Its been ruff lately not having her around having to adjust to life on the mainland. Watching / reading through FB how different things are now that I have moved away some times just brings tears to my eyes. Its hard to see someone you care about and love so much simply go on with out you. Building relationships with new people, having other people call your best friend there best friend. Seeing them enjoying things together that you use to enjoy doing. Its hard, it sucks, its not easy and I don't know how to make these feelings go away. I try not to say I'm jealous of the situation but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. What we had and still have is something special, it wasn't built over night and I know it will never go away but that doesn't mean its easy living thousands of miles away from each other. The time difference doesn't help either and some times it only makes things worse. I don't want to be that needy friend but I don't know how to make the situation better. I've tried making friends here but it just never seems to work out and it doesn't help that everyone that lives on our street is either retired or much older or frankly never comes out of their home. I go to our FRG meetings and Functions and I talk with the wives there but the relationship never seems to go further than that no matter how hard I try. I work with ladies much older than myself, we are talking in their 60's, which don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with that. Its just that I'd like to have someone I can relate to and talk to that is close to my own age. Go to the movies with so I don't have to go alone, go shopping with or grab a late night drink with when the hubby has to work. We do have a big trip planned in October for a week and I am super excited about it. However I just can't help but think that once its over things will just go back to the way they are now. I'll be back in the South they will be back in Hawaii and life will go on. As it should I just wish things were different. I can't go back I can't change things I just have to move on and continue to work with what I have and maintain our relationship that we have build on it. Its just hard, I've been through so much in my life since becoming a Army wife and just when I think I've got "this" down I find myself fighting for something else. I don't want to loose what we have, I don't want someone else to step in and take my place but how do I do that when I'm not there every day any more like I use to be??? 
I know this is the army life and am not complaining about the army, because if it wasn't for the army I wouldn't have the people in my life that I do. 
 I think I've cried enough tears for the night, I'm gonna hit the pavement to burn off some heart ache.


~DAY 285~

3 comments:

Kate @ Daffodils said...

It is definitely different everywhere you move. I hope you find a niche soon, but in the meantime, I am glad you that got some reminder of your great friends from the last post!

Mrs. D said...

I am really sorry! I can only imagine what it is like...i currently live in my/close to my hometown and haven't really experienced life outside of my comfort zone. I know it will be a rude awakening when i do! I hope things get better and you meet people that you can relate to and talk to and build more friendships with! I also feel ya on hitting the pavement to shake things off...such a good outlet! you seem really down to earth and genuine so I am sure you will meet new friends (not that they replace the old) really soon!

Janna Renee said...

I work with girls my age and younger, and they are a lot of fun, but I haven't forged any serious relationships with staying power. Luckily, I'm an introvert, so it doesn't bother me, but I KILL for time with my BFF.